39 Reasons to Celebrate Being Kidless in Midlife

Coming from a large family – I have 8 siblings and almost 30 nieces and nephews – you’d think that having kids was the norm. And it was, for almost all of us.

But, not for me.

I remember one of my brothers said to me recently and matter-of-factly “you’ve never had that maternal instinct.” This surprised me because I’m a caring person who loves hard and at one point in my life I did want kids.

But, the more I thought about it, he was right. I didn’t have the burning desire to have children. Nor did I dream about it when I was younger.

Don’t get me wrong, I love kids and have close relationships with my nieces and nephews and their kids. They are some of my favorite people in this world.

But, I didn’t get the mom gene.

As a child, I didn’t think about having a baby to take care of. I played with Barbies who had careers – my favorite was the first flight attendant on the split airplane, the Friend Ship. Not baby dolls.

Mary Tyler Moore Is My Spirit Animal

Even as a young girl, I knew I could make it on my own. (cue the Mary Tyler Moore theme song)

During my child-bearing years, my past career took me a different route. I traveled and moved around a lot, in the name of helping to grow a company. I found fulfillment in that.

I was also engaged to a man during this time who didn’t want kids, and I was ok with that.

The Toughest Job

Child-rearing is no doubt, the toughest job there is.

I see it first-hand with my family and friends, and their kids.

Experiencing how tough it can be on the peripheral edge, I know I made the right decision to not have my own.

Honestly, I cannot imagine what it would be like to have the kind of strength in every aspect; emotional, physical, mental, intellectual it takes to be a parent.

Every time I think about all of the amazing parents in my life, including my own, who are raising or have already raised incredible people, I am in awe.

It makes me proud to know them.

Reasons to Celebrate

Here are some reasons why I’m happy I didn’t have kids.

1. I didn’t have to go through wondering if the baby growing inside me was healthy.
2. I didn’t have to deal with morning sickness.
3. I didn’t have to go through childbirth.
4. I didn’t have to go through sleepless nights with a newborn. Now, I just go through sleepless nights with myself. (Thanks menopause)
5. I didn’t have to change poopy diapers. For the record, I did change a few of my nieces’ and nephews’.
6. I never had to go through the terrible twos on a consistent basis.
7. I never had to find a baby sitter to go out anywhere.
8. I never had to get up in the middle of the night for a feeding. Unless I was hungry.
9. I’ve never been at risk for post-partum depression. Although I’ve had another type (Again menopause, really?)
10. I never had to worry that the baby sitter knew what they were doing or could handle an emergency.
11. I never had to go through the teen years, when parents aren’t cool or know anything. (It’s awesome being an aunt)
12. I never had to be a personal taxi to a tween and their friends.
13. I could pursue a career and travel for work without ever feeling guilty.
14. I can take a vacation anywhere, for as long as I want without having to pack for anyone but me.
15. I could come home from vacation and do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, instead of having to do laundry for days.
16. I could drive anywhere and listen to my music and not the Disney soundtrack to the latest cartoon movie. Or Baby Shark.
17. I was never the “Bank of Mom”. I could spend or save all of my earnings.
18. I never had to say no or repeat the answer to a question a billion times.
19. I never had to help anyone with Geometry homework.
20. I never had to go back-to-school shopping with a teenager.
21. There are no boomerang children showing up at my doorstep.
22. I never had to decide between funding my retirement and educating my children.
23. I didn’t need a large living space.
24. After a long, stressful day at work, I could come home and put my PJs on and eat popcorn for dinner, then go to bed. Instead of making dinner, helping with homework, or otherwise engage with anyone.
25. I never had to lock my bedroom door to avoid interruptions.
26. I never had to stash treats so the kids wouldn’t find them.
27. I never had to lock my liquor door.
28. I never had to stay awake wondering where the kids were and if they were safe.
29. I never had to watch my kids go through a broken heart and feel helpless.
30. I never had to set up or supervise a play date.
31. I never had to go to PTA or parent-teacher conferences.
32. I never had to decide where to live based on the school system quality.
33. I’ve never had to have endless baby conversations with other moms.
34. I’ve never had a child assume I’d watch (or raise) their child.
35. I’ve never had to deal with a picky eater that turned dinner into a battle of wills.
36. I’ve never felt obligated to go to a kid’s sporting event or musical concert.
37. I never felt that anything I was doing was going to screw up my kid.
38. I don’t have to worry about becoming a burden to a child as I age or having them have that fear as well. (I do have other fears though)
39. I never had to regret discovering that having a child didn’t make my life complete. (on the contrary, my life has been fulfilling without having kids).

I realize some of these reasons sound selfish and self-centered and I agree, to a point. But, I also believe it would have been unfair to have children if I wasn’t really meant to have them. And to be honest, I’m not even sure I could have had kids, medically.

More Than Kidless – Child-Full

What I know for sure, is that I am truly lucky that I am surrounded by children in my life; my nieces and nephews and their kids, plus many other family and friends who also have kids. For this, I am completely grateful.

Photo by Ylanite Koppens from Pexels

Are you kidless or child-free by choice? What would you add to this list? Tell me in the comments.

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