The Beginner’s Guide To Online Dating Terms

Whenever you start anything for the first time, you’re considered a beginner. Everything is new and awkward, and sometimes intimidating. That is until you learn your way around a bit.

Dating in midlife is exactly this way.

Learning A New Language

There are terms used in online dating that makes it seem like a whole other language.

Dating back in the day – otherwise known as when I was growing up, was so much simpler. People spoke in words that were familiar and easy to understand.

Nowadays, there are lots of new words and terms that are good to know when you start looking for love and/or companionship on dating apps.

I’m here to help you clear up any confusion you might have the next time you are on an online dating app or someone new messages you and you’re not sure what they mean.

The Most Common Online Dating Terms:

Bot

A fake account, on dating apps, that is used to encourage people to send credit card or other financial information to them. Also known as scammer.

Some things to watch out for: a person who seems too good to be true. They may be too good looking and their photos look almost fake or from a magazine.

Their English and grammar are poor and they are quick to get offline – usually in the first message – by asking you to email them directly, not on the app.

Beware of these.

Breadcrumbing

When the person you’re interested in, only texts or calls sporadically.

Basically leading you on, because they’re not really interested, but they’re not sure how to break it off or have absolutely nothing better to do it in the moment they contact you.

Benching

Similar to breadcrumbing. This is when someone likes you, but they’re not sure how much.

So they contact you just enough to keep your interest while they decide.

And keep their options open.

Cuffing Season

No, it’s not the 50 shades of Grey version. This is rated PG, folks.

Early Fall to late winter is considered the time to find someone to help ease the cold lonely nights of winter.

This is when you start a relationship to enjoy winter together with the plan to become free in the Spring.

Theoretically handcuffing yourselves together for the winter months.

FYI: Both parties don’t always know this is the plan.

Dom?

Guys sometimes ask this question wondering if you are dominant in the bedroom.

This guy is most likely looking for sex only.

DTR

Define The Relationship.

This is when two people define what their relationship is; a couple who’s exclusive not dating others, open – dating others and each other, friends who sleep together aka FWB (friends with benefits)

Emojis

We use these colorful icons every day in texts, but there are certain ones used in dating that represent certain body parts, such as the peach, eggplant and banana.

FWB

Friends with benefits. A sex only relationship with no strings attached.

Ghosting

When you’ve been talking to or dating someone for a while, it could be a few days, weeks, months, and then “poof!” they disappear without a trace, like a ghost.

And yes, this sucks.

GM

Text speak for “Good Morning”.

IRL

Text speak for ‘In real life’. When the person you’re talking to online wants to meet you in person and get offline.

This is a good thing.

Love Bombing

When someone you meet immediately showers you with love and affection for no reason.

Basically too much too soon means you’re being “bombed with love”.

Once the person gets what they want, they quickly cool down their affection and/or leave.

Love Language

This term comes from the book by Gary Chapman called The 5 Love Languages, which reveals five distinct ways people give and receive love.

The five ways are Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gifts, Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation.

This can be a good conversation and discussion.

ONS

This is text speak for a one night stand. Aka a single sexual encounter with no expectation of another in the future.

Pen Pal

When someone wants to text and message on the dating apps without ever going offline to meet in real life.

Pinging

You’ve dated someone for a few great dates and then they fade away, only to return with a text a few weeks or months later.

This is to test the waters to see if there may still be interest in them on your part.

It’s an ego boost on their part. Just like the submarine – let it sink. It’s not going anywhere.

Situationship

Finding yourself wanting to be in a relationship with someone without defining it or committing to be their girlfriend or boyfriend.

Slide Into DMs (direct messages)

When someone private messages you on social media wanting to flirt and/or get to know you better.

Stashing

When the person you’re dating doesn’t introduce you to anyone, mention you on social media, or to anyone else, you’re being stashed – like you did to those cigarettes when you were 16 and your mom walked in.

Submarining

When someone you were dating, ghosted you and then reappears months later as if nothing happened.

Basically coming up for air. It’s a manipulative move.

Let that sub sink.

Sub?

Guys sometimes lead with this question. They’re asking if you’re submissive (or dominant) in the bedroom.

This guy is looking for sex only.

Just for fun: If someone asks you the ole Dom or Sub question, answer with: “Well, I like Domino’s and Subway equally” and see what they say. 😉

Thicc

Thick is the new word for a curvy body type. It’s a good thing.

WYD

A lazy acronym for “What are you doing?” If someone messages you this, they’re wondering what you’re up to at the moment.

Slow Fade

A slow ghosting. When someone continually and gradually stops contacting you until they are completely gone.

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This list should give you a good start on learning which words are used in the online dating realm.

What do you think? Would you add any to the list? Let me know in the comments.

By the way, some of these terms are another part of why I’m taking a break from online dating.

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