6 Things Your Introverted Friends Want You To Know

Are you an extrovert who has introverted friends? 

Do you have friends whose personalities just don’t make sense to you? Do you wonder why they are quiet or don’t seem to want to jump into conversations with a bunch of other people when you’re excited and passionate about something?

These friends are most likely introverts. And they’d like you to know some things about what that means.

How do I know?

Because I’m an introvert and have other introverted friends. And we talk about these things (see the fourth point).

Not all introverts are the same, just as not all extroverts are the same. But, the below characteristics are quite common. And being aware of these traits will help you communicate with and understand your introverted friends a bit better.

We prefer smaller groups over large crowds.

While there are times when we are animated in crowds and can even be the life of the party, we are most comfortable in smaller groups, 3-5 people tops. Preferably close friends and family. For us, meeting new people can be draining.

We like intimate settings; a quiet cafe, your family room or kitchen, or taking a walk in nature. Any place that we can hear each other talk and enjoy the company.

We don’t like to compete for attention.

Nor do we like to be the center of it either. We’re not great at accepting teasing or being called out in front of other people. Whether you have good or bad news tell us in private. Especially if we did something wrong. And please don’t raise your voice to us. This can affect us to the core.

Needing time alone doesn’t mean we’re angry or depressed.

The truth is, large crowds drain our energy. After spending time in crowded places, or loud exchanges, we need alone time to recharge our batteries. Even if we had a great time at the event.

We can go hours not speaking to anyone or having any outside communication. We know our extroverted friends cannot fathom this, since they are energized by being around and meeting new people.

As Popeye used to say, ” I yam what I yam.”

Just because we want to be alone and quiet, doesn’t mean we’re depressed, sullen, or angry. It only means we need some space to fill our energy tanks.

During these times, we may be reminiscing about the fun party last night or playing on our computer or spending time in nature or staring at the wall or doing nothing at all. It just depends on what we feel like doing in the moment.

I personally like to cook and watch Hallmark movies. Don’t judge.

Small talk is not our jam.

We don’t feel the need to talk, just to hear our voices. Talking about the weather, or idle chit chat is almost painful for us. We’d much rather know who you are as a person, what makes you laugh or cry, your favorite smells, what kinds of music moves you, what’s on your bucket list, etc.

This can make dating in midlife a challenge as well. Since it takes a while to get to know someone, especially when texting is the norm these days.

We need to be comfortable with you to open up to you about the things listed above. But when that happens, watch out, we can be chatterboxes! No, really. Not kidding.

We are not bored or shy.

There will be times when we may not speak or it may seem as if we’re not interested in what you’re saying. It may even appear that we’re shy. This is for the most part, untrue. We are by nature, observers and great listeners. Also, it takes some time to process what you are saying as we’re noticing your inflections and body language when you tell a story. Frequently, we see what you’re saying without the actual words being spoken.

We do like to go out and socialize.

Even though lots of us introverts are homebodies and like to be alone to recharge, we do like to leave our homes. Being alone all the time is not our happy place. Only sometimes.

So, don’t stop asking your introverted friends to do things. After they have sufficiently regained their energy, they will be happy to spend time with you.

So what do you think? Did you learn something about your introvert friends? For the introverts reading this, what would you add to the list?

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